I got what I want... what now?

Understanding is the first step to acceptance,
and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
--Joanne Kathleen Rowling


Last night, I got the "unusual" thing that I've been asking for. I got the answer that I've been waiting for. And most of all, I got the truth.

Yeah, the truth.

Truth hurts sometimes, right? I don't know why this is. I don't know why we should be hurt just knowing the truth, when we could be happy and contented because at least we know what is really going on.

Ugh. Is it too soon? I got what I'm asking for in just a matter of days. And I don't know how am I supposed to feel.. I don't know what am I supposed to do. I should be thankful that I knew the truth before I suspect the worst, that I knew what's happening, from her. I don't know. I don't want to feel or think anything about it.

I know that she think that I should get mad at her. But I'm not. I'm not mad at her. Maybe I'm mad at him, but not with her. She's my friend before this happened, and she still is. That shouldn't change just because of these issues. I just felt like I'm quite betrayed. All this time I've been feeling guilty about it, because she is my friend and I've been accusing her of things which I do not have enough evidence. Also, all this time, she's lying to me. When I confronted her about it that same day that I saw them together, she said there was nothing. Then last night, she admitted that she began to like him because he is so nice to her. She knows how I really felt about him, she knows everything. She knows how much I like him, and she knows all the cheesy stuffs that I'm doing, and almost everything that happened between him and me,good or bad. So why?

But she said that she's already avoiding him, and he's also avoiding her. Is that enough?

Well in my opinion, if it's really meant to happen, we cannot do anything about it. We just can't. It's part of the plan. So if fate decides that they should be together, did I really have a choice? My only choice is to deal with it.

Actually, what I suspected before is very different from what I learned last night. I thought that he likes her. But never did I think, ever, that it is the other way around: she likes him.

But I understand. Because I have to.

No really. I understand. I understand that they're in the same building, that they somehow have the same interests, that they might see each other all the time, and that we can't avoid things like this from happening.

So.. what am I going to do?

Waiting is probably the answer. Waiting how it would all turn out. And I guess, accepting is a much better way of coping with it. While waiting, I should start understanding and accepting that things happen. We cannot go back and change it. If it's done, it's done. No turning back.

I should take it all in. And accept. Accept. Accept. Accept. And understand that she never meant for this to happen.

That's what I should do......

But you know what? I know now what I want to do.

I just want to erase this from my memory and forget about it. Forget that it ever happened. Forget everything.